Communication concerning any heated issue can be a powerful catalyst for growth when done with awareness. When communication is unskillful, the same conversation can be unproductive, damaging or even violent. When we constantly use the same patterns for communication, we constantly get the same results. By changing our approach, we can change the results.

Remember the first step in clear communication is communicating with yourself.

-Byron Katie

Deal with the faults of others gently, as with your own.

-Chinese Proverb



Message from the coach

In the Clear Communication program, you work directly with me, Emily, for 10 session to begin to untangle the web of misunderstanding in which most of us typically reside. I have found that when people show up fully for coaching sessions and commit to the work we are doing, they are given the opportunity to reach staggering levels of self-awareness. Typically, for better or worse, we attempt to navigate relationships from a place of rigidity–deeply convinced that our approach or our way of communicating what we feel and think are inherently “good” or “right.” What we uncover when we go deeper, is that no one way is better than another. Rather we find that what seems “good” and “right” to us is simply what we have been taught since our youth, has helped us to succeed at times, and has grown to feel “normal” to us. This is the influence of culture–it is  simple (but compelling) process of conditioning. Overtime, we become rigidly committed to doing things in a way that feels normal. In conflict, we find ourselves being criticized for communicating in a certain way and we respond defensively, saying, “But this is me! This is how I am!” But is it? Is it really? Is there something else to us than the way we were taught to communicate? We try to do things the way that seems “good and right” to us, when really the circumstances are calling for something different.

When you work this program, you can be released from this painful rigidity and access a more fluid, dynamic way of communicating. Yes, this feels difficult and odd at first. You may find yourself saying, “but this isn’t me.” But as you stretch yourself little by little, you invariably discover that you are indeed something much deeper than just the way your were taught how to communicate. You find your judgements are actually a tool for self-awareness rather than imperatives. You find that every thought that begins with “That person should…” is nothing more than a means to uncover your culture. It points you back to what feels normal to you, (which is good to know!) but it does not mean someone else should do things the same way as you. You learn new ways of observing yourself and others, you learn new ways of listening and interpreting information, and you are able to consciously communicate your needs and goals in a way that can be received, not just a way that feels familiar to you. Ultimately, this coaching program opens you choose how you show up in your relationships, rather than operating on auto-pilot.

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